There's your warning. I don't expect anyone to read this. Really. I just need to get shit off my chest.
I need to get this shit off my chest, and I have the MAGICAL ABILITY to have NO WHERE TO VENT because EVERYONE HAS LINKS TO ME EVERYWHERE.
Except here. No one involved in this situation has an account here.
Which any other day, would make me sad face.
Except today.
TODAY THIS MAKES ME HAPPY.
So yeah. Rant: ACTIVATE.
Okay so I'm noticing I'm having issues being happy FOR people.
Ie, I'm jealous right now. Really, REALLY jealous.
And it's a stupid jealousy too.
Okay I have a friend. I consider him one of my best friends despite the fact that I only know him online. We're close, K?
Well, I have an IRL friend that was trying to get to know him better. I didn't care much, more like "YAY MY BUDDIES ARE BEING BUDDIES."
Well, here comes the part where I'm jealous/pissed.
Online buddy told me things that HE DIDN'T TRUST ME WITH FOR A YEAR AND A FUCKING HALF. And then he told me, BECAUSE HE TRUSTED ME.
Made me happy. I like it when people trust me.
Then my IRL friend that wanted to be friend with online buddy IMs me and tells me that online buddy told her the stuff that he told me.
Online buddy does the same when he signs on 15 minutes or so later.
I'm sitting there like "Oh that's great!" and in my head more like "... you've been srsly talking for like, a month. Am I untrustworthy or something? That it took a fucking YEAR to trust me and you trust her in a MONTH?"
So yeah I'm bothered by that. A lot. I shouldn't be, I should be HAPPY.
REALLY HAPPY.
But I'm not.
And to continue this, online buddy and his boyfriend decided that I'm their counselor for dating issues, since apparently I'm good at shit like that.
That made me happy too. Many reasons for that.
So like, yesterday I started an IM with the two of them asking how they were doing, because online buddy A had been saying they'd been fighting and shit.
Shouldn't have done that while IRL buddy was over, but I really didn't think much of it since durrrrrr Online buddy A was totally going to tell her LATER ANYWAY.
When I'm done, IRL buddy comments "Oh I'm probably gonna end up doing that too :3"
...
...
Really? REALLY?
Fuck I have issues. I shouldn't be distraught like I am, but I am. I should be CALM. I should not be being a narcicisstic little brat with the thoughts of "oh I thought I was special/important or someshit for being told this stuff/being requested for help."
But I can't shut them off and that on top of the fact that I WANT TO START ALL OVER AND RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM EVERYTHING. INTERNET-- IRL. I DON'T CARE I JUST WANT GONE.
I'm more than a little stressed/depressed.
those of you who actually read this, you get a cookie.
I feel a little better now |D A little.
Pardon me while I read ULTIMO translations and figure out how to save my test so I can calm the hell down.